Developing a mutually satisfying sexual relationship

When a couple comes into therapy and they tell me, "We want to make our physical, intimate relationship better.  What can we do?  We wonder, Are we like other couples?  What is normal?" I would first ask the couple, "What is your vision for the sexual aspect of your relationship?  In our ideal world, what would you like for this part of your relationship look like?"  The sexual aspect of a couples's relationship needs to be addressed in order to establish expectations and satisfaction, just like any other aspect of your relationship.  How do the two of you make decisions about your finances, how you parent your children, where you are going to live, etc?  You will want to use these same skills to make the sexual facet of your relationship everything you desire it to be. To begin a dialogue with your partner, start with the following exercise:  Each person sits down and writes out their vision for their sexual relationship.  Describe your ultimate sexual relationship in as much detail as possible and be specific regarding sexual activities including frequency. While doing this exercise think about your sexual fantasies.  How do you want them to be incorporated in this relationship?  After putting all of your thoughts to paper, sit down across from on another. Approach your partner in this exercise with curiosity and interest.  As one person shares their thoughts and desires, the other will listen and reflect back to their partner what they have heard.   As you listen to each portion from your partner, reflect back and state, "What I hear you saying is...." without adding any reaction or interpretation to what you have heard.  After you have listened to your partner and reflected him/her completely and accurately, the two of you will switch so that both vision statements are shared completely.  Then begin to discuss which aspects of the vision are shared and begin to develop a vision statement that the two of you can mutually agree upon. The next step is Continue Reading

My first half marathon experience

My First Half Marathon 2:38:25. These might be my lottery numbers from now on. I consider myself a “newbie” when it comes to running and wondered at Continue Reading

The Best Christmas Gift Ever and it doesn’t Cost a Dime!

It’s Not About the GIFT My husband and I were talking over dinner tonight about our holiday plans. Part of what drew us to one another is our common value of Continue Reading

The importance of fun in our lives

People’s health and well-being are improved if they are able to engage in activities that are meaningful and pleasurable and that health is a balance of work, Continue Reading

Overcoming Addiction – First Steps

There remains a variety of opinions regarding addiction and the recovery process.  Many still carry stereo types of what it means to be "Addicted" and what Continue Reading

What is IMAGO Therapy?

Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of marriage therapy founded by Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples, Keeping The Continue Reading

How can IMAGO therapy improve my relationship?

Our unconscious leads us to an Imago match-a person who offers us the greatest opportunity to heal our childhood wounds..  20 dialogues in 20 days (2) Continue Reading

Self esteem

Self Rejection is the most universal, and least recognized problem in our lives.  It is the source of all our difficulties in giving and receiving love.  This Continue Reading